In case you were not aware, my name is Valentine. If you want to make sure I’m not joking please direct your attention to the subtitle of this blog, where I make a bad joke about it. Presumably, you also know that today is Valentine’s Day. The day of love, couples, chocolate, romance, and me.
Growing up with the name Valentine was not always fun. It was kind of fun to have a long name that sounded like a princess, but it was less fun when kids decided to get witty.
Here is an incomplete list of jokes I have heard (more than once) about my name:
- Will you be my valentine, Valentine?
- Who is your valentine, Valentine?
- Happy Valentine’s Day, Valentine!
- (not exactly a joke, but definitely not kind) Haha, your name is Valentine!
- And shout out to the grown man who legitimately did not believe my name was Valentine! You know who you are.
I have also had strangers fawn over my name and then demand to hear the start to finish story of why that is my name, complete with set design and costume information. This is not as delightful as it sounds.
For many years, I hated Valentine’s Day because it meant that people would once again be reminded that my name was also a holiday. I especially hated it in middle school, when cooties and hormones were both popular accessories for the masses. By the time I got to high school, if anyone so much as looked at me on Valentine’s Day, I would be ready to rip their face off.
But then I had a wonderful realization: I don’t need to give a shit.
Yes, my name is Valentine. Yes, people will always say dumb, dumb things about it one Valentine’s Day (seriously, no matter how funny you think it is – I assure you it is not). But no, I don’t need to care. Because at the end of the day, they’re the ones who are going to look foolish when I am not laughing at their joke.
And none of them have their own holiday.
So happy Valentine’s Day. And if any of you have a Valentine, Valentina, Valentin, or Valentino in your life, do everyone a favour and wish them a happy Valentine’s Day if you desire. But if you want them to like you, please don’t ask them to be your Valentine.
Happy Valentine’s Day, from Valentine.